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[09/05/08] |
Living with yourself is a whole other art than I really thought it was. It takes patience, time, understanding.... almost like a lover. It's a kind of poetry that needs to be nurtured. I'm thinking this college experience is going to be about learning not to make my body...my mind...my entire being a war zone. I can't take it. I've got so much more that's worth it demanding my energy and time and patience. I need to live with myself. Experience the plethora of worlds inside my head and be okay with every single one of them.
I find myself a bit behind in some ways...my vocabulary's been lost since I came to college. But I think that's what this is about. Reconstructing yourself, like globalization, causing the mobility of ideas to form a whole new identity that is completely a new take on life. I should thank God. THANK YOU GOD!
You know, when I came down here, I was screaming, "THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". Text doesn't do justice to show how gratifying that was. I'm thinking that that needs to happen much more often down here. I'm thinking it will.
And I'm also thinking crew is probably not for me. I like the team environment...but too much time. I like to dedicate myself to multiple purposes. And if I was honest with myself, I like the idea of the dance team so much more.
I just need to breathe. I need space. I need to join a religious group. I'm thinking Intervarsity at UVM will be good for me. I think I need that tonight. I think I might go. I don't know. I'm kinda confused right now and need to get out of my head.
No...I need to live with myself. I need to write and experience that poetry of just being. The entity of me. And then the entity of everyone. Maybe everyone first.
Love,
Eliza.
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[01/18/08] |
So, in the grand ol' style of some of my other lovely friends, I am taking a
COMPOOPER HIATUS.
Recently, I have really suffered the negative effects from unrestricted intake of HUGE amounts of self-help info on the web. I'm at the border of sanity, and it's becoming VERY compulsive.
SOOOOOO...
until my mental/emotional/spiritual state experiences an overall UPHEAVAL...
I will not be participating in your regularly scheduled internet activities.
I need to start taking care of myself.
Without further ado, the only times you may be seeing me on this simultaneously lovely/destructive instrument:
1. When there's another person present (DURING ALL INSTANCES IF AT ALL POSSIBLE)
2. Only up to 30 minutes a day to respond to e-mails and general info seeking that cannot be performed in real life)
3. For educational purposes (meaning typing up reports, graphs, etc.)
Therefore, if you wish to contact me, feel free to yatter at me on the phone, accost me in real time, and/or shoot off an e-mail to my account (just be aware that this method may require more response time).
I shall see you all again when I'm in a healthier state of being!
MUCH LOVE AND FLUFFY STUFF,
Eliza.
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[06/19/07] |
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Oh dear Lawdy.
Happy Summer! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDd !!11!11!0
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[06/01/06] |
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[05/28/06] |
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Ask me 4 questions. And no matter how personal, private, icky, or just plain odd they are, I have to answer them. However, you then have to post this message in your own journal, and answer anything asked of you....
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[05/25/06] |
Hey guys, I'm really not supposed to be on here, but I had to sneak on to let you know how I am.
For those of you who were there yesterday, you know probably know that in Bio I started getting very severe abdominal pain and had to leave. Dad took me to the doctor's and they did a bunch of tests (joy). They didn't find anything endangering, all the tests were normal. It's not likely that I have appendicitis, but they aren't sure because it can be sneaky. They monitored my pain overnight, and when I came back this morning, it had gotten a bit better but it was still painful to move too much. The ibuprofen they give me helps, but when it wears off the pain comes back very badly and in waves. So around 3, Mom's taking me to the hospital for a pelvic and abdominal ultrasound as well as an X-Ray, to try and clear up what it might be.
I just wanted to let you guys know I'm alright, and I'll be okay. Keep smiling for me, and don't worry too much. Oh, by the way, I'll give you something to do while you wait for the news:
If I am on your friends list, why am I on your friends list?
Comment below, and add the question to your LJ, so I can return the favor.
Love,
Eliza.
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[05/22/06] |
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Our Lady Peace- Picture |
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Well hello there.
I have no excuses this time as to why it took me so long to update. I suppose I just haven't felt too inspired to bother lately.
One thing for which I'm grateful: everything seems to be settling down into that contentedly busy buzz, instead of that frantic scream of rushing around everywhere that I've been doing for the past few months. I can divulge that it is quite a relief.
My grandparent's 60th anniversay was last Saturday, as many of you well know. Lots of memories, treasured stories, as well as learning new ones. I brought Lana with me and showed her around my half hometown region. We had a lot of fun for our short stay. One of my dear family friends who's known me since birth said (with such a genuine tone that I could never doubt she thought so) that I looked like a model, as well as telling me an interesting story about my Uncle Tommy that I hadn't heard before, and filled my heart with joy. Apparently, when I was born, they met at the post office, and he was absolutely enthralled with the thought of me. She asked him, "What's her name?" and he exclaimed, "Eliza! Isn't that a beautiful name?!". She proceeded to ask how my mother was, and he replied "Oh, the mother's fine, but the baby is perfect!". I also came upon some pictures I never had seen before of him feeding me in our old apartment. I really wish I could have had the opportunity to have gotten to know him. I have no doubt he was a wonderful man. Also, some more of my extended family met my father and Debbie. I just feel so blessed that things could work out this way. There's no hostility whatsoever, for which I am immeasureably thankful.
On the subject of my Dad, as some of you may know, this weekend is our 2 year anniversary. That just seems like such an amazing miracle, it takes breath and words from me when I contemplate the whole extent of the situation and how it has changed me so much.
I have so many things to be thankful, grateful, and any other adjectives describing completely humbled for. If you have any doubts in your minds, let me clear them up right now: I love you all SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO (etc) much. Thank you for all of your constant support, love, friendship, and every precious gift you've given me.
Words are very much lost on this subject, because they don't even get close to how much I want to express. But I know you all understand somehow.
Cheers, my dears.
Love~
Eliza.
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[05/08/06] |
Well, as some of you might know, recently I've been plagued with a cold. Yeah. Annnnd...that's not fun.
I really don't feel like doing much of an entry now, I just wanted to update you guys and post a quiz thingy:
( the audacity! )
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[04/30/06] |
Well, I figured I better update before time got too far away with me. As some/most of you know by my erratic, scatter-brained, and fully stressed out behavior recently, my schedule did not make any allowance for leisure time. I am glad to say, THE CYCLE IS BROKEN. This very past Friday, I went into my permit test and came back out with my permit and the highest score in the class. Seriously. I only missed one question, which left me at a 98. That kinda vexes me because I coulda rubbed it in James' face about being his first aced student if I had just gone with my first instinct. Oh well. I HAVE MY DAMN PERMIT! WOOOHOOOO! And no, my driving isn't as erratic as my behavior right now.
Sooooo the schedule will at least not be hell-like anymore. I'll still be kept sufficiently busy, however. I still have to work, I have the All-City Concert at the Bangor Auditorium (7:00 for all interested parties ;) ) on Tuesday, and then two weeks after that I have another one at Bangor High (same time). Not to mention Mother's Day thrown in there, as well as my Grandparent's 60th Wedding Anniversary Party on May 20th. Then the weekend after that is Dad and I's anniversary. Phew. Busy. And then I'll probably be preparing for finals, and June 12th, I'm outta school! WOOOOHOOOOO TIMES TWO! Yes, that was meant to rhyme. But at least it won't be so blocked up anymore, or tedious. CELEBRATION!
Okay, must be off for now, homework calls. Must get the arsenary ready.
Cheers, my dears.
Love,
Eliza.
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[04/15/06] |
Feeling progressively better today. I think that whole thing yesterday was something I ate. Got some stuff out of my system, and while I'm still not exactly perky, I'm more alive than I was yesterday.
I'm thinking part of it was stress-induced as well. I've proclaimed today a 'me' day. Shopping, maybe stopping by the VFW, relaxing. I dunno, maybe some dancing later on. I'll see how things go.
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[04/14/06] |
I guess this is my whine week.
I dunno. It seems like just one long bad day extended...
I wonder if I should even bother filling you in. You all are probably just sick of my bad news.
I tried to go to school today. Made it to 7-8 (or around 10:15 AM for those of you not on BHS time), and got the worst stomach cramps I've had in a lonnnng time. I mean, it brought tears to my eyes.
I was really reluctant to even call home because of what an inconvenience another sick day would be.
But I did. I missed my driving appointment set up during one of my study halls, and my mom is most likely going to have to pay for the missed time. We really don't need that expense...
And I missed Driver's Ed class today. Which means I'm most likely going to have to make it up.
Dad took me home crying, and I proceeded hovering over the toilet for 2 hours, praying that it would go away or it would just come up and be over with.
After he left, I threw up/ spit up stomach acid. Lovely, I know. My voice is hoarse now.
This is hell...and I hate to bitch...and I hate to whine. But my God, I'm at the edge of my rope. I'm so afraid that everyone is going to be mad at me and what an inconvenience I am...
I don't know if I can take being bitched at in the current state I'm in.
I'm sorry...
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| -in your head, in your heart, in your soul- |
[04/13/06] |
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Modest Mouse- Ocean Breathes Salty |
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Well it looks like everything I was desperately trying to outrun caught up with me...
I'm getting sick.
Took today off from school to try and get some rest, but I still have to be on the run after 2 PM.
I'm praying Saturday comes soon. Even vacation won't be much of a vacation from anything, but I get the feeling it would be better than this.
Sorry for the bringing-downess...
It's just that this week bites. Where it hurts.
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[04/11/06] |
Conclusion 1: Today was a plain rotten day through and through. Reeeaaaaallly bad. Period.
Conclusion 2: I need to stop overeating because of emotions...
Conclusion 3: Incense burning does the soul good.
Conclusion 4: I can't wait until summer.
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| -we travel like gypsies, only with worse luck and far less gold- |
[04/11/06] |
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Fall Out Boy- Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year |
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The past week has unbelieveably insane, and it doesn't look like it's letting up any time soon:
~ I've been driving on the 'real roads' twice so far. First time I went driving I encountered Broadway and State St. AND LIVED! HUZZAH! Going driving tomorrow.
~ Sweet 16 went off loverly! The hall looked great, and I had tons of fun with my friends. Yesterday (my real birthday) I went in with balloons and recieved even more niceties. T'was nice.
~But now it's back to stress. I've still got 8 more class of Driver's Ed that last 3-5:30 and are the most tedious things EVER. Growl.
~Add onto that that work is expecting me...and homework...makes for a very stressful situation. I had to call in today for Lisa, and I could just hear the obvious dissappointment. I don't blame her at all, I know it extremely inconveniences her when I do this...
I feel extremely guilty, because she doesn't deserve this. They're great at work, and I'm so thankful I have that job, but I'm at the point right now where my person health is being risked. It's not that I don't want to do it...but I don't know if I can keep juggling -everything- without letting them down again... and I'm guessing that I'm not going to be able to do that many times more (with good reason) before they let me go. And I'll be dissapointing probably more than one person if that happens...
I'm scared to death of people being dissapointed in me. I have the automatic connection that they'll never love me the same again if they get dissapointed by me...
I mean, seriously, it's a serious fear. I had an anxiety attack after I talked with Lisa. I cried for like...45 minutes afterward.
But I'll just try to keep the hope going...things will sort out. And I'll be okay, no matter what.
Now I just have to keep saying that until I believe it.
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[03/29/06] |
Four jobs I've had in my life:
1. working at EFP
2. babysitting
3. volunteering at Manna
4. voluntering at the Round Up
Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Howl's Moving Castle
2. Spirited Away
3. Phantom of the Opera
4. Stage Beauty
Four places I have lived:
1.Bangor
2. See above.
3. See above above.
4. See above above above.
Four TV shows I love to watch:
1.Whose Line is it Anyway?
2.Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.
3.America's Next Top Model (sometimes)
4.The 4400.
Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Arizona
2. New Hampshire
3. Florida
4. New Orleans
Four web sites I visit daily:
1. Gmail
2. Myspace
3. Livejournal
4. Fanfiction.net...yes I am that much of a dweeb.
Four of my favorite foods:
1. Oatmeal.
2. Waffles/Pancakes
3. ...Can't live without chocolate. I'll just admit it. But I can only have it once a week. Or icecream. Yummy.
4. Strawberries
Four places I would rather be right now:
1. At Camp Roosevelt
2. On a beach at the ocean
3. Japan, New Zealand, the Carribean, Southern France, Southern Africa...
4. Somewhere having a great time with my loved ones.
Four Friends that have been tagged that I think will respond:
1. Lily
2. Sam
3. Moira
4. Auntie Belinda
Four things I always carry with me:
1. my beliefs
2. ...clothes?
3. hopefully all internal organs and bodily fluids
4. the people I hold in my heart
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| -gone, going, gone- |
[03/28/06] |
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Black Eyed Pea & Jack Johnson- Gone, Going, Gone |
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Dear Androgynous~
Hey. Can't be too long about this since I want to sleep -very- soon. Just figured I'd let you all know how I am.
-Speech went fine. Got a 98 on it, and I think the only reason I got those 2 points deducted was because of a screw up with citing in the written copy. Overall, I'm quite happy with it.
-Getting ready for birthday party/getting annoyed with people who haven't RSVPed yet/getting on their backs for it. Going decoration shopping this weekend. Sadly, all of my friends just DECIDE to get together on that weekend, too. I can't help but feel a little left out...but I guess there's nothing to be done about it.
-Current addiction/obsession/thing to daydream about= Howl's Moving Castle. You can thank Justine for that, after her movie party last Saturday. ALL HAIL MIYAZAKI! ~bowbows~
-Last week went pretty well in all. This week however...I dunno. I'm just a little more on edge or worn out I guess. I can't figure out why. At some points I'm really good and at others I'm...blah. Oh well.
- REALLY enjoying the weather this week. Spring makes me so happy, you would NOT even begin to understand.
- I think I finally kicked the plateau. Been talking with the trainers at the gym, and some modifications went into my program. Given, it's much harder, but it's worth it. I know this because last week I FINALLY lost weight for 2 consecutive weeks in God knows how long. You have no idea how psyched I am. Keeping the fingers crossed for weigh in tomorrow.
- Starting DRIVER'S ED on April 3. Orientation's on the 1st, at 9 AM. Not to motivated for the early morning on Saturday, but I'll deal.
Otherwise, things remain normal on the homefront. Sleepy time for me now.
Cheers, my dears.
Yours~
Whatever You Want to Call Me
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[03/22/06] |
Trees
~ 66% Water ~ 62% Wind ~ 66% Earth ~ 62% Fire ~ |
No paper, no ring
In the trees where frogs sing...
Your colours are the dark orange and dark green. You are likely compassionate, romantic, reliable and devoted. However, this may sometimes cause people to take advantage of your kindness. You may feel stressed from working too much, too. You could try wearing a Tiger’s Eye; it strengthens your willpower and helps you think clearly.
In detail:
Your Heart Chakra, which is associated with the element of water and represents our sense of love and compassion, and your Creative Chakra, which is associated with the element of </b>earth</b> and represents our need to preserve and grow, are predominant.
Your Throat Chakra, which is associated with the element of wind and represents our desire to learn and communicate, and your Ground Chakra, which is associated with the element of fire and represents our basic desires and driving force are not quite as prominent.
These are the results you will get if you score highly on...
None of the four elements: Balance Wind: Gust Fire: Blaze Water: River Earth: Valley Wind & Fire: Thunder Wind & Water: Clouds Wind & Earth: Canyon Fire & Earth: Lava Fire & Water: Tornado Water & Earth: Trees Wind, Fire & Earth: Storm Wind, Fire & Water: Stars Wind, Water & Earth: Forest Fire, Water & Earth: Avalanche All four elements: Harmony |
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 81% on water |
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You scored higher than 22% on wind |
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You scored higher than 80% on earth |
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You scored higher than 45% on fire |
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[03/13/06] |
SAD SECTION:
01. Ever really cried your heart out: Yes.
02. Ever cried yourself to sleep: Yes.
03. Ever cried on your friend's shoulder: Yes.
04. Ever cried over the opposite sex: Yes.
05. Cry when you get an injury: Depends on how much it hurts.
06. Do certain songs make you cry: Yes.
( specific )
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